insomnia 2:50a

Third times the charm…

running back and forth to my cooing bundle of life in the bedroom for what feels like every 20 minuets from my spot on the couch

i am more than awake

past the point of consciousness i feel as though I am drowning in a sea of overstmulation

i cant sleep

when i sleep im awake

thinking about everything and anything but at these hours my stream of thought is inclined to the more serious topics. one of them being

fear:

why is it that in this country we make strides to equality only to suffer the repercussions of wanting it?

We Are Dying

if not by our own hands than by those sworn in to protect and serve

how can i protect my little life form in the other room? He is all aspiration and unfathomable possibility. He is new life. He is joy. He is all best wishes and hopes. He is a  blessing. He is the future.

the promise of life is not a guarantee

We Are Dying

consumed.

as it remains there is an inability to make a movement mobile; without the necessary tools we are walking in quicksand till our last breath.

i dont want my son to be subjected to another mans hate because of the God given tone in his flesh

i dont want my son to be treated unjustly because of another persons nonacceptance of their own self worth. Nonexistence of self love. because in order for there to be progress we all must start with ‘i’

to hate one another is in essence to hate ourselves at the very core

When i look at my son i see the love and blessing that propels me into life

how then can you not see my son and think of how much life it took to make such a being

how can you not look at him and see yourself?

see the little boy or girl within yourself needing nothing but love and nurturing from a world promised to be some kind of utopia of opportunity and tolerance.

How would it make you feel if everything you thought you knew was all a lie? There is no tolerance, just tons of qualifiers.

Never has this been felt on a level such as this before.

Never have i ever been a Mother

never have i fathomed fearing for my sons life here in this country

here on the steet

here in my home

here at church

here at school

here at the store

here at restaurants

here at coffee houses

here at the gas station

here at the gym

here at work

here at the bank

here at this Place that promises life in exchange for freedom

if you look like this you dont matter

if you speak like this you dont matter

if you live here you dont matter

if you are black you dont matter

if you are brown you dont matter

this is the message the World tells our beautiful children. encouraging them to blindly trust all the while loading the clip

the morning has me up with nightmares of my Reality.

insomnia is realizing how sleep you really were

ignorance isnt bliss yet it is the only bliss some will ever have

self-love is the only way out.

goodmorning.


Sounds: KOD|J. COLE

Advertisements