overwhelming and blunt this pressure causes trauma invisible to the untrained eye.

I lean whole heartedly on the promises of God at this point.

I stood on my own feet for understanding and have fallen over every time unable to walk without assistance.

However, when I got back up I used the wrong crutch.

the devil has many a way for you to have you thinking the arrows God set for you is “this way” and not “that”. All the while you never notice the screw missing that flips the sign upside down. Such confusion and intense emotion usually ensues and morning. The truth has  always freed me of my bondage.

so I guess now the pressure is to do more than just survive for the sake of my son but to truly live for him as well as the purpose God set before me.

ive been running from it consciously since I was at least 11 or 12, maybe younger but for sure when I was around this age.

It has sent me hurling down a destructive road of misguided and ill yolked significant others and emotional unavailability among other ailments.

I have suffered greatly for my transgressions and tonight I asked for forgiveness of the Lord my God who instilled in me talents to multiply upon for the glory of Him that was with us when no one else had been in the dessert guiding us. Somehow I feel my prayer was heard and from this second on constant and gradual change is imminent. I know I will be more than fine. The fear one has for the unknown is one of our biggest grievances because for what we do not have the mental girth to understand we know the very one who is the source of all knowledge and intellect.

I am giving myself the best so that I can give my purpose for being on this Earth  bringing God glory and praise the best shot I’ve got.

I am ready for a necessary change and uplifting of my mind, body and soul. Of all the pressures there is nothing that will keep me from being the diamond I was always intended to be. My story will be in books all over the world for all who felt like life just is too much to keep going because it does get better with the renewal of the mind in align with how our Creator intended it to be originally. In His likeness. Royalty and a Chosen People mentality. Set apart and loved like no other. Shown grace, mercy and favor abundantly and repeatedly. We are loved, truly.

Pressure but Progressive.